Animal My Soul

Hi

2012-01-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

Hey, hello, how are you guys? I haven't much to say. (Except I just burnt my tongue on very hot chocolate.)

I've basically been bumming around for the past few days watching television via Netflix and whatnot. Doctor Who and Sherlock have basically become my new obsessions. It's nothing surprising I'd like Sherlock. That's very "Lisa"... but I have no idea how I got pulled into Doctor Who. One day I was like "Yeah... never seen that show" and the next I can't help watching it. I said I'd give it a try and I have and now I like it too. Just like everyone else. Done rambling.
Oh, but I would like to mention that my sister seems to think Sherlock Holmes (played by Benedict Cumberbatch) and I are totally perfect for one another. Not going to lie. I blushed, giggled like a school girl, and told her to shut up.

Yeah, that's basically all I've got to say. School is going well. I'm not dying yadda yadda yadda. I'll have a 365 update up in a day or two. Maybe the day after tomorrow. Until then... this is an outtake from yesterday.

365 Project Update: Days 10-18

2012-01-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

Days 10-12

Days 13-15

Days 16-18

Have a good night.

2012-01-16T16:24:00.000-08:00

Hello there. Here's a handful of photos from the past couple of weeks.

Jazmin and I were playing around in the doors and windows section of Lowe's.

This photo is so weird. hgbcdvs

Okay, this photo is kind of up here as a joke. We were walking through Target and I noticed Giada has her own line in the cooking section. I was like whatever and continued on.... and then I started seeing her shit all over the place. A bowl here, a jar of sauce there. So I took a photo and claimed Giada was stalking me.

That's an eraser, just FYI.

I had just told Jazmin a very top secret, but very funny thing. This is the face she makes when she's laughing.

And then we posed so we could take a super cliché shadow picture.

And then just because he's cute: here's a picture of Shadow.

Anyway, I've been tired and bumming around, hence why I haven't posted a 365 update for a bit. I'll have one up in the next few days.

Have a good day! (:

YAWN

2012-01-15T02:55:00.000-08:00

I am so sleepy, you guys. I actually have no idea why I'm typing this post in the first place.

I'm currently listening to Subsonic on 105.3. It's ending in about ten minutes, so I think when it's over I'm going to go to bed.

Today was so, so, so stressful. I was freaking out all day because I had an entire script to write and storyboards to draw to go with it. Again, I was so stressed. I got some of my script done today, and I have eighteen shots drawn up into a storyboard. I still have some shit to do, but I'm so happy that is mostly done.

I don't know, I've been feeling pretty weird tonight.

Anyway, I totally thought I was going to write more, but I'm falling asleep on the computer. So... have a good night, you guys!

P.S. I changed my blog design a bit. I think I like it better than what it was before. This one is more... "me", I guess.

365 Project Update

2012-01-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello. Here's an update for the past 6 days.

And the Paint Swatch Journal for yooou:

I guess the green doesn't like being scanned too much. Hm.

Have a good day!

Jazmin's Birthday Party (overdue post)

2012-01-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

Hello there. I have here a few photos from Jazmin's 16th birthday party.

Jazmin's friend, Lisa (Risa), wanted me to take a picture of her hair that isn't supposed to be dyed because her mom will freak out. Wonder if her mom knows yet....

She crashed the photo. I kept it, overexposed as it may be.

Anyway, I would talk more, guys, but I sort of just want to lay down and watch a movie.

Have a good night!

Woo, Christmas-time Photos!

2012-01-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

I said such a long time ago that I would have Christmas photos edited and up and I have finally gotten to it. There's less Christmas and more people in these photos, so forgive me if you were hoping for something super festive. Anyway, onward we go.

These first ones are from a little bit before Christmas. Number one is my nephew Aiden and then Edward and Julian, my cousins.

And now the last three are Christmas day.

My sister took a picture of me while I was eating a cookie. And I was wearing her foot pajama things.

I took more photos of Christmas events and whatnot, but unfortunately it was on my Nana's camera. That's okay. I doubt I would have wanted 100 photos of my cousins opening gifts.

Anyway, I also said I was going to edit and post photos from my sister's 16th birthday party. I was going to do that tonight, but I'm starting to get sleepy and I want to read before I go to bed... so I will edit photos tomorrow and have them up probably later in the day. You know... if you wanted to know and all.

Have a good night!

Beginning my 365 Project Adventure

2012-01-03T23:53:00.000-08:00

Hello there, people. This year I decided to do a couple 365 projects. I'm pretty stoked about them. The first one is a 365 photo project. I think you know how it goes. Here are the photos from the past three days.

1/365+1

I really like this (day 2) photo.

2/365+1

3/365+1

And the other 365 project is a paint swatch journal thing. I've just been calling it my Paint Swatch Journal. I'll tell you what, man, I felt like a real jerk just stealing paint samples from Lowes, but oh well. It's for the arts. They'll understand.

Have a good night, guys.

[insert upbeat holiday greeting here]!

2011-12-31T21:49:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2011. I'm thinking back on this night last year and I can't recall, for the life of me, what on Earth I was doing. This may be due to the fact I was sleeping. Yes, I could have been sleeping. All I know is I have a huge plate of food sitting next to my computer and I intend to avoid human contact for the rest of the night. No drunk people for me, thanks. My sister was smart and got out of the house (to her grandma's). When I was her age I was getting drunk with everyone else. Thank lord that experiment is over. I much prefer sobriety. And thank lord my sister isn't following in her sibling's footsteps. (And she's all 16 and Not Pregnant right now.)

Anyway, it's almost the new year of splendid 2012... where we're all set to die and die... and not actually die because the end of the world is a stupid theory. I didn't make any resolutions last year so I have nothing to reflect on right now. But who cares? I'm going to reflect anyway.

Things I Liked About 2011 OR Things That Happened in 2011 That I Liked:

I applied at and got into Full Sail
Bought a new lens for my camera (35mm f/1.8)
Saw the Warriors play again (lock out is over, what what!)
My nephew and little cousins got along at Christmas
I bought a ton of books from thrift stores
A certain person released his grip on me (thank god)
I have two awesome pen pals
I was vegan for 3 months (I can do it if I apply myself)
Apparently I'm good at writing scripts and have a strong sense of design
Ashley got me a map duck (two of my favorite things in one? yes, please)
This blog
I got my gallbladder removed and I'm not sick anymore

Things I Didn't Like About 2011 OR Things That Happened in 2011 That I Didn't Like:

A stupid boy made my heart hurt a lot
My mom got "sick" and had to go to a hospital
My grandma (dad's mom) passed away
I applied at and got into Full Sail (terrible decision, hating it now, want to do something else-too afraid)
My body was sick for what seemed like an eternity
Mackenzie (my kindle) acquired a permanent spot on her screen from being in my purse
Had to buy a new $80 computer charger because the other one hated me

Okay, I quit that because my memory isn't good enough. I might keep updating it tonight as I remember things. Now, onto a list of things that are technically resolutions but I don't do resolutions so I call

Shit I Would Like to Do, See, or Be in 2012 OR Shit I want in 2012:

Further my photographic skill (skill, ha)
Start liking school again or change my path so I can like it again
Complete a photographic 365 project
Actually finish writing a novel
Post to my blog and vlog more steadily (and fix my grammar)
Read at least 100 books
Get out of the house more

Et cetera, et cetera. If I were to write everything I want to happen this year this blog post would never end. On that note: I'm just going to leave this here and hope you guys have a good night.

Don't be an idiot. Don't drink and drive. Call AAA Tipsy Tow, it's free from 6PM to 6AM. 1-800-222-4357

So Much Going On

2011-12-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas was a few days ago and it was good for the most part. We started at my house and ended up at Nana's... but not before a trip to my sister-in-law's mom's house and Jack in the Box. (Okay, so only Robert, Ashley, Aiden, and I went to the latter... but still.) I'm the queen of rambling and I really don't have much to say about Christmas day. I got a few things I've been really wanting to pick up for myself (*cough* whiteboard and kindle cover *cough*) which is fabulous. Anyway, so onto the inevitable "What I Got for Christmas" list:

a bunch of post-its
a whiteboard
dry erase crayons
a map rubber duck
a cute little notebook
two pairs of pajama pants
a pair of socks
a desk (letter?) set
a kindle cover
a wallet
a sparkly, light up rubber duck
a Nightmare Before Christmas cup
a bracelet
a shirt that says "Chick with Brains"
money from my Great Grandma
money from my Djadzi and Nana

I took a picture of my pants for you because they are absolutely cute.

And then also of my whiteboard to document how much I really did need it. That is as of right now.

Aiden got a 3DS and some other stuff for Christmas. He was so happy. And my mom has been wanting a Kindle, so when she opened one at my Nana's house she cried on spot. There was a bit of really bad news (breaks my heart, but c'est la vie) but for the most part everyone was happy and usually getting along. I was also dubbed either the Kobe Bryant or Magic Johnson of peeling potatoes by Robert and Djazdi. Good to know. I'll put that on my resume.

Now onward from Christmas.

Yesterday was my baby sister's 16th birthday and party. We went to Mountain Mike's, invited some friends, ate some cake... it was fun. She got some cool stuff from everyone including a Kindle. This year seemed like the year of electronic books, I'll tell ya.

I had met some of her friends before, but for the most part everyone was new to me. I also got to see someone I haven't seen for a long time but really miss, so that was nice. I'm told there was a small argument between a couple people (I had gone to the car for something), but all in all the party was a success and I'm glad we did it.

I haven't looked at or edited the photos from Christmas (I actually don't have very many) or the party yet, but when I do I'll post on here with some of my favorites. As for right now... I have a very full to-do list to start checking off.

Have a good day.

Christmas is so Close I Want to Vomit

2011-12-21T18:24:00.000-08:00

I feel like such a bum. I feel like a megabum. THE Bum, if you will. I’m not going to lie. I double-checked I was even using the correct word. According to my in-computer dictionary the definition of bum includes: “a lazy or worthless person”.

This actually leads me to an unexpected question. I look things up in dictionaries all the time. It’s probably so annoying to other people how much I use dictionaries. My question is: How often do you use dictionaries (or even thesauruses) if at all? Also I tend to look up words I know the meaning of just to double-check that I’ve been using it correctly my whole life. It could be a huge 25-letter word or a common 3-letter word… it doesn’t matter. Do any of you do that too? I just feel like it’s better to be safe than sorry. I would rather have my nose in a dictionary all the time than consistently use incorrect words and even grammar. I’m just saying.

Now that I’ve rambled about words and whatnot I can move on to different ramblings.

It’s December 21st. How the hell did that happen? I feel like Christmas is creeping up. I didn’t realize it was so close and I’m totally dreading it. For one I didn’t buy or make gifts for anyone. I usually don’t because I hate gift exchanges, but I feel bad because people give me shit and it just seems off balance. Sometimes I wish I were in one of those families that just orders Chinese food and watches television on Christmas. Can I apply to be in a family like that? Do you think that would work? No? Fine, okay.

I’m planning on making fudge for my brother (it’s a yearly thing; Christmas comes and I make him fudge. *shrugs*) and macadamia nut cookies for Ashley, so there’s something for two people. I’m still thinking about the rest.

Anyway, I was planning on making this post so much more interesting than it has panned out to be, but I actually don’t remember the reason I started typing it out in the first place. Jazmin and I have been watching Paranormal State a ton and I’m currently waiting for her to get home from Girl Scouts so we can continue watching it. In the mean time I’m catching up on Parenthood and doing nothing else except for eating and taking a quick break to type up this blog post.

This, my friends, is why I have been a megabum today. It’s weird because usually I just don’t even care about television.

The way I see it: Sometimes you just need a day of being a couch potato to recharge your batteries. Ever since I got sick I have been fed up with school and most of my hobbies and now that it’s winter break I’m relieved that I can bum around without worrying that I’m fucking up my life. I think I need this break and I’m hoping that maybe by the end of it I won’t have this aversion to school anymore. We’ll see.

But until then have a good night you guys. And just in case I don’t write again before Christmas: Happy Holidays. Don’t feel bad about hitting the eggnog if you need to. Just don’t be an idiot and get in the car afterward.

Red Camera, Green Heart, Happy Face

2011-12-17T00:23:00.000-08:00

I have aproblem. I really do. I have been eating mainly mashed potatoes for over aweek. The only other meal I have had is toast… and that was, like, one time.

Tonight Iwas at the end of my potato bag so I just finished it off and ended up makingan extra-large pot of potatoes. It’s because of this I invited my mom to eatdinner with me. I mean, my sister is at her grandma’s house tonight andeveryone else was gone. So I finished cooking the food, we got our bowls, andthen we made our way to the coffee table where we ate by the light of theChristmas tree.

Somewhere along the line Istarted rambling to my mom about school and passion and impulsive decisions Itend to make. This conversation was spawned by the finding of an old camera ofhers. It’s a red film camera with a green heart sticker on the front. I’venever used it, but still, it means so much to me. I remember looking at it whenI was eight or nine and just feeling so interested in what it was and what itdid.

No, I neverused that red camera… but I do believe it was the beginning of my love forphotography.

I was joking around and askedif she would write it over to me in her will and she told me I could just takeit right then and there. I didn’t hesitate to accept her offer. I knew it wasn’ta huge deal to her, but I’m happy to have the camera in my possession. I’mplanning to change the status of its usage by me in the very near future. Ijust need to acquire some film.

In othernews: tomorrow is going to be my most eventful day since I was in the hospital.Okay, so my days usually aren’t eventful at all, especially in the hospital,but whatever. Not the point.

Tomorrow I need to get upearly (which is why I should be sleeping right now) so I can be at my Nana’shouse before nine. My mom and I are going to be babysitting two two-year-oldswhile my Nana and my cousin attend some clothing swap or something. I don’tknow. I just do what they tell me to. And then after that I’m going to abasketball game with Robert, Ashley, and Aiden.

I’m soexcited. I love basketball games and one of the last times they went I didn’tgo with them because I was feeling sick. This game is going to be Aiden’s veryfirst, so that is even more exciting. I can’t wait to see his face when hesee’s the building, the hallway, the court.... I know he’s going to have so muchfun. He’s so excited and it just makes it all the better. I’m especially glad Iget to be there for it.

To somepeople the look on a kid’s face when they experience something for the firsttime doesn’t mean very much, but to me, in this particular instance, it does.If you went back in time six years and told me I’d be feeling this way now I wouldhave called you a liar. My old self, pre-Aiden, just wouldn’t have understood.

It’s sortof like a red camera or eating dinner with a loved one by the light of a Christmastree. Other people may not understand why it means a lot to you, but you knowand that is all that really matters.

Have a good night, you guys.

Movies and Stuff

2011-12-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

Hello there.
I'm currently sitting downstairs with my computer on my TV tray thing and I'll tell you what: The idea of it was so much better than the reality. No matter. I'll be down here for a while due to the simple fact that I'm much too lazy to pick my shit back up and go upstairs. Maybe in a little bit.

Last night I found it in myself to drop homework (*snickers* Because I've totally been all "workaholic" lately) and relax and watch a couple movies. On the list: Water for Elephants and Horrible Bosses.

Water for Elephants: It was okay. Pretty good, actually. I like to watch movies before I read companion books if possible, so I had no idea what was going to happen while I was watching this movie. I can say I was actually a little shocked at the direction it started going in because I had just never heard anything about the movie. It's not exactly what I was expecting. I like it though. I would watch it again. Especially because Robert Pattinson and Reece Witherspoon are in it.

Horrible Bosses: It was funny. Pretty much what I expected because they clearly advertised it's about 1) Horrible bosses 2) Killing said horrible bosses. There were some predictable parts in the movie but for the most part I was thinking something along the lines of "How the hell are they going to get out of this mess?" There was one part that I absolutely didn't see coming until it was put in action, but I'll refrain from sharing that because it's a spoiler... and I don't spoil movies for people. *cough*jazmin*cough*

Now that I've seen Water for Elephants, though, I can go read the book... in a little while because I'm already working on, like, five other books. No lie, unfortunately. I don't know why I start so many books at one time. It's a bad habit. I just get bored with the ones I'm reading sometimes. I haven't been reading nearly as much lately, so I might end up not reading Water for Elephants until Summer 2012.

Speaking of school (kind of earlier): This week I'm supposed to film stuff for a two minute short and I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. I already made a mood board and explained my idea... but that was all bullshitting. I have no idea how this is going to turn out. This is my mood board if you're interested:

I feel terrible because I was thinking about it and doing the math and I'm seriously considering not doing this assignment at all. It's worth 15% of my overall grade, so I could skip the assignment and still get a C. Low or high depending on my other work. I highly doubt I'll skip the assignment, but it doesn't hurt to blow off steam by thinking about it, right?

Watch Me Ramble

2011-12-10T13:27:00.001-08:00

If you want to watch me ramble here's a video for you.

Have a good day.

Gallbladder and Surgery

2011-12-02T22:46:00.001-08:00

I'm going to make this a quick post because I'm getting sort of tired and would like to lay down in the very near future.

Very early Wednesday morning (like 1 or 2) I was having a lot of pain in my stomach and my back and I decided I needed my mom to take me to the Emergency Room. I mean, these pains weren't very new to me at all, but it was going to be a while before I had a doctor's appointment and I just couldn't wait that long to get help. And It's a good thing I didn't wait that long.

The doctor in the ER came and told me (after some tests) that my gallstones were causing problems and my gallbladder and my pancreas were inflamed/infected. Apparently a stone got stuck in the bile duct in a place where it was blocking flow from my gallbladder and my pancreas, thus making them sick. So I was admitted to the hospital and surgery was scheduled for the following day.

I would just like to make a note here that my surgeon was such a bitch, jesus christ. I'm not even going to talk about it because it makes me angry. But there was also a nurse that was really mean and made Ashley cry and then a different nurse who had something against me without me even saying two words to her. Done whining about them. Aside from them all the other nurses were really nice and fabulous.

Anyway, so I was discharged today and I am sitting in bed typing this post up. I'm on a low fat/low cholesterol diet and my stomach is way huge. Looking from above it looks like there is just this huge mass underneath my skin. It's really weird to tell you the truth.

So yeah, I'm going to stop rambling about my stay at the hospital. It was my first time being hospitalized for anything... in addition to it being my first ever surgery. My roommate was nice but she talked WAY too much... and her son was sort of cute.

I'm tired. Have a good night.

Stuff

2011-11-29T01:40:00.001-08:00

I'm tired. I would be in bed right now but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to eat pizza at midnight... so I have to wait a while before I lay down so I don't get sick. That's basically the only reason I'm posting this blog right now.

In all reality I should have been in bed a while ago because I need to get up tomorrow and finish the first part of my project for school. It's due tomorrow night. It was due tonight but the teacher extended it. Thank lord for that. I don't know if I would have gotten it done on time today. The extension also gave me the chance to switch the focus of the project. I like the second version better. That's good at least. I'm hoping as hard as I can that this project turns out well for me. Please, please, please... sigh.

Thanksgiving came and went. I almost didn't get to participate in the festivities because I was sick for a few days before Thanksgiving and then most of Thanksgiving day. I was having trouble eating so I was originally planning not to eat dinner with my family. I was feeling a little bit better (but a lot faint) by the time dinner came around and I was able to join in on the fun. That was nice. A few of my family members were actually afraid I wouldn't make it to my Nana's house for the holiday at all. I'm glad I did though. I hadn't seen my grandparents for a while. It was nice to be around them.

A couple weeks ago I got my stuff for school in the mail. Included was a new camera, some lights, a new tripod, and some other "toys" for me to play with. Here's a few of the photos I took soon after I got my lights.

This one is on here purely for laughs. Jazmin and I thought it was hilarious that she looks like she's almost praying or something... because it wasn't planned at all.

While I'm on the topic of photos: I've decided that when I have the money to I'm going to start printing copies of my photos to put away in boxes, albums, and scrapbooks. Don't get me wrong: I love the fact that photos can be so easily accessed and used on the computer... but there is also nothing like pulling boxes out of the attic and flipping through photos with people. I want to be an old lady with tons of photographs to bombard people with.

Oh, holy hell! It got really late really quickly. Have a good night, guys. I need to go to bed.

123

2011-11-21T23:45:00.001-08:00

Hello, I’m not dead. That’s actually pretty much all I have to say in this post.

My life has been sort of crazy the past month or so. I’ve been having some medical problems that have sort of caused everything else in my life to stop. I would delve into that further, but I don’t want to say much before I even know what’s going on. I have to get an ultrasound and x-ray of my stomach tomorrow… which I’m not excited for at all. You have to do what you have to do, I suppose.

Also, I got my tech package from school about a week ago. It was full of lots of goodies and whatnot. Some of which I haven’t even played with yet. I’ll talk more about that later.

God, for the past week or two I have been, like, obsessed with the movie When in Rome. (The one with Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel. Not Mary-Kate and Ashley.) I have no idea what I see in it… I just love it. In fact, when I go to bed tonight I’ll be watching that.

Speaking of bed: I really should get to it. I would talk more, but it’s not smart to write a lengthy blog post when your alarm is set to go off in less than seven hours. I just wanted to give a heads up that I am alive, just not here.

Have a good night!

Hi, Hello

2011-10-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

I just thought y'all would like to know I'm still very impatient and waiting for NaNoWriMo to gladly show itself to my life. With less dramatics: I want to write, but I don't want to start a new project so soon before NaNoWriMo, so I am waiting for it to start. I should start outlining or something to help with the waiting, but that's no fun. Boo.
Anyway, I'm not hungry right now but I would really enjoy some rice and a waffle. OR some rice and orange chicken... like so:

Yes, it's vegetarian. Vegan, actually. I suppose I should conform and write it "chik'n"... my sister-in-law calls it "ficken". She says I can't use her words for my fake food. Whatever. "Orange ficken" is fine and dandy, but I'm used to saying "chicken" and it's easier to explain that it's non-meat than to let people snicker at my being "different". Nevermind, I'm rambling.

ANYWAY.

I built Aiden's dinosaur thing for him tonight. It was fun. He has a larger one that I really want to build. Robert and Ashley don't want to, so I guess I'm in luck. Huh. This is the smaller one:

If I do end up building the larger one I'll be sure to post a picture of it. This one is about 8 inches. The box to the other one is over 4 times larger, but I have no idea how big it is. (11:11, make a wish) Bigger box means more pieces which means more building fun for me. This wouldn't be possible if Aiden didn't deem himself incompetent Thank you, Aiden. I can build children's toys for my own fun and blame it on you.

I was looking through a folder of recent photos and found a photo of my "Lisa" cup I've had for a long time. Do you like it?

I also found a couple photo's from the San Francisco family visiting trip thing we (Robert, Ashley, Aiden, and I) went on at the beginning of August. BART and the merry-go-round that made Robert feel like vomiting. A still photo doesn't capture it, but Ashley was spinning the fuck out of their fake teacup.

ImageMakers is coming on soon so I'll be going. Have a good night!

P.S. ImageMakers is this show played on KQED that showcases short films from all over. I love it because I love short films. They have a very special place in my heart. That's all.

Bound for Mac & Cheese From Scratch

2011-10-15T01:40:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep reading "1984" a couple hours ago. I'm not really sure why considering the fact I had only been awake for twelve hours at the time. I find myself pretty tired these days.

--I just decided I'm going to put "1984" on the back burner (10 pages in!) and read "Bound for Glory" instead.--

I feel weird using quotes in my blog posts when I mention the titles of shit. I suppose I could capitalize all the letters when I mention movies and books--BOUND FOR GLORY--see I just did it. I was going to shoot that down but for that particular title it works really well. I'll show you why.

So, yeah. You get my drift.

In other news: I am so gung-ho and impatient about NaNoWriMo (can't it start yet?) yet I have absolutely no idea what I am going to write. No, really, I have no idea. I have a piece of paper I've been collecting ideas on, but other than that I don't know. I do have an idea that has something to do with banana peels, though. Believe me, it's not what you're thinking.

This evening I was trying to think of something to eat for dinner and I got the brilliant idea to make macaroni and cheese from scratch. Good idea. Winging it from scratch, not such a good idea. At least that's what my mom was telling me. "For something like that I think it's probably better you measure the ingredients." Suffice to say I didn't. There was definite room for improvement, but full scale it wasn't bad at all. Well, not at first at least. After I ate it for a little bit I just got really tired of it and starting finding things wrong with it. "This doesn't even taste like cheese." mostly. Proof:

Terrible photo. So sorry. My phone is only so good at photo taking in low light situations.

Mmmmhmm. Like I said: There's room for improvement but overall my dinner could have been much worse. Wait, is that a good thing? That's like saying "Yeah... you weren't very good... but you know, it could have been worse.!" Whatever.

Anyway, I've been on life.com a lot lately and I was looking at this photoessay tonight: One Ride With Yankee Papa 13
This is one of my favorite photos from the bundle:

Depressing story, yes, but one to be told anyway.
Have a good night!

Aiden's 5

2011-10-12T22:42:00.000-07:00

A few days ago was Aiden's 5th birthday and his birthday party. It was all right. We had all the usual people there plus a couple of friends of his. We also had an excess of cupcakes. It's 4 days later and we still have a bunch left.

The whole thing went a little something like... this:

Those are in chronological order, by the way.

Television is Ruining my Life

2011-10-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

I find the fact that I’ve been writing less and less very disturbing. Whether it’s on here, in an email, or for myself… I’m just not writing as much as I used to. It’s unfortunate, really, because it’s not like I stopped liking to write. That isn’t the case at all. I just find it difficult to find the words anymore. It’s like I always want to do it, but I don’t know what to say.
This is terrible also because I just realized tonight that there is less than a month until National Novel Writing Month. I didn’t participate last year because I didn’t feel like I had anything, but I would really like to try this month. I guess I should start working on an outline or something. I tried to wing it one year and all that got me was 26,000 words that I don’t even remember. Whatever. It can be counted as an experience, right?

I told my mom I think television is ruining my life. I haven’t had cable for nearing ten years and I have been absolutely fine with it. A month or two ago I discovered I get a few channels very clearly just with the cable connected to my TV… and my life was ruined. I have a show I want to watch for almost every night. 2 Broke Girls and Hart of Dixie on Monday (shut up); Glee, New Girl, and Parenthood on Tuesday; Whitney and Prime Suspect on Thursday; etc.… during the day I try to catch Perry Mason at noon and every night I know Seinfeld comes on at 7:30 and then 10:00/11:00 (same episode).
ANYWAY. It’s ruining my life for one huge reason. It’s taking up a ton of my time. I would like to blame TV for everything I don’t have time for but that isn’t fair considering I know procrastinating is truly the culprit. Oh, well. I’ll let myself believe what I want to believe. That’s all I’m saying. By the way, it was just brought to my attention that there is no Glee tonight and I am slightly upset. Only slightly because it opens up more time for me to do shit like this and reading.

Speaking of reading: I started Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen (favorite author, holler!) yesterday and I am 49% done with it according to my Kindle. That is, according to the math I did, approximately 187 pages read. I don’t actually know how accurate that is because a simple math equation (383*.49=187.67) doesn’t take into account font size changes and where I am within a percentage and everything, but you know, whatever.

And in other news… this is sort of breaking news actually. I’ve been pretty addicted to hot chocolate as of late. I just wanted to inform you guys I just had the worst cup of hot chocolate ever. It tasted something like a cross between gingerbread and cardboard. Terrible.

Have a good night.

Hello There.

2011-09-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

I would just like you guys to know that I am sort of tired right now and fighting sleep. Which is very much absurd considering I want to screw my sleeping patterns so I go to bed around 8 at night and wake up at 4ish in the morning. Dont ask me why. It's because my favorite time of day is right before dawn, the morning twilight, and then some time after the sun comes up. I just love the morning. But I love the nighttime too and that's why I am currently fighting sleep. I just thought maybe you guys would want to know.

In the past few days I have had two people stop talking to me (or stop wanting to talk to me) because I've been acting "rude". And one of them also said I am too negative. WELL. I have no solution to that right now. I do have this video I just uploaded to Youtube a few minutes ago, though. It's really boring and really dark and it was infested by a bunch of fish... so if you're afraid of fish don't watch it.

By the way: If, for some reason, you are in a bad mood, go watch The Cameraman with Buster Keaton. It's a fantastic film. Just wanted to get that in here. It will make you smile. (:

I Don't Know, Guys

2011-08-29T01:49:00.001-07:00

I'm just feeling very... uneasy about how my life is right now.

I Can Never Think of Good Titles for My Posts

2011-08-18T00:41:00.000-07:00

Hi. I don't know what to say. I would bitch about school right now, but I don't feel like typing it out. I'll come back and do that tomorrow or something. Until then: I made another video last night. Hopefully you're not too bored by it.

Blocked

2011-08-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

So what do you do when you feel like writing something but have no idea what? I don't even know what I'm planning to write for this post. I just know it's been a while and I need to post something. I feel like I did so long ago with my old blog. That feeling of wanting to write something but not having anything to write OR not feeling like writing about what I do have. I don't know.
This afternoon my sister put on Red Riding Hood. It was alright. I can't really get it out of my head. It's funny... while we were watching it I was thinking to myself about how the style is so familiar... and then I found out Catherine Hardwicke directed it. She has such a distinct directing style... I quite like it.
After that my sister put on Soul Surfer which was a cute movie. I felt like crying several times during it though. What's with that? It's not a particularly sad movie... I think I might have just been in a funk.
Anyway, yeah. I was supposed to go to Whole Foods this afternoon but my mom didn't feel like driving to Walnut Creek (about 35/45 minutes away). I just want a Tofurky pizza, man. Which is weird considering I don't really like pizza.... The thing is: I don't like the sauce. For one reason or another the past year or so I have been forming some kind of insane hatred toward tomato based sauces. I never used to be like that. Pizza, no. Lasagna, no. Spaghetti, no way. Not more than once every 6 months, at least.

Okay, I'm going to stop rambling about food now. Have a good night.

P.S. Less than a week ago I went to San Francisco with Ashley, Robert, and Aiden to visit some of my family (father, two aunts, and grandpa) from Las Vegas. Monday we just walked around Pier 39 and Fisherman's Warf. That was fine... but I damn near fell asleep on the BART ride home. Terrible. You know what else was terrible? Waiting an hour+ for the F line tram that is supposed to stop by every 6 minutes. That's terrible. And it gets worse! They are SO packed. I'm not even going in depth with that. Just take my word for it, yeah? And maybe just walk... unless you have the funds for a taxi, which we learned would have only run us around $10. Oh, well. Maybe next time.
The second day Robert and I took a BART train out to South San Francisco to hang out with my family in their hotel. I think I liked this day best out of the two... I guess just because we were supposed to be visiting. And walking around for a few hours is fun, yes, but it doesn't really provide the chance to talk. I like talking sometimes.

Anyway, I'm going to go find inspiration somewhere on the interwebs... or maybe just watch livelavalive/Mitchell Davis/Kyle Sibert videos until I'm tired. You know, whatever.

P.P.S. That was a reeeally long p.s.

Video

2011-08-07T02:25:00.000-07:00

Hi, I made a video this time because I was lazy. So instead of imagining me being stupid you can see it. Wooooo! I'm going to go be lazy some more.

Photos

2011-08-01T04:12:00.000-07:00

I put up a few photos on Flickr. I don't know how I feel about them, but whatever. My photostream doesn't get photos often enough.

These first three photos are from the (unhappy) trip to Las Vegas in April/May.

Ceiling of Caesar's Palace.

These two are a couple of many pictures I took of the signature dog my family gave me as a graduation gift.

Have a good night everyone. I'm gonna go watch Star Wars now.

P.S. I just realized it's August 1st. Jesus christ.

Ridiculous

2011-07-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

For SOME reason it's 10 o'clock at night and I haven't had a thing to eat today. I hate when people say they haven't eaten anything even though they were snacking on chips or this or that. That's annoying. But no, I'm serious. I haven't had anything. Except a little bit of water if you want to get technical. Anyway, I have food cooking right now and I'm too lazy to do my homework even though I will be kicking myself for not doing it sooner.

My mom came home today with a book at hand that my Nana bought for me. It's basically just a photography book about how to take better pictures. I haven't taken a full look at it but it seems interesting. Mostly pictures which is pretty awesome. I hate those photography books full of text telling you all this shit about color and composition. It's like: "This is a photography book and you didn't include any photographs within the pages...?" Not a problem with this one.

And speaking of photos: I have been editing some old photos of mine. I don't know how I feel about any of them, but I might be uploading some of them to Flickr in the near future. Maybe. I don't know. I haven't gone back to look at them yet, so they could be total shit and I have no idea.

Okay, I'm going to stop neglecting my stomach now. Have a good night.

Changes

2011-07-29T17:05:00.003-07:00

I just changed my entire theme because of a font. I don't know what it is about this font, but I like it. The rest of the theme not so much. I don't know if it's because I've been looking at this computer screen for so long or what, but the colors and set up seem to be a tad (or a lot) harsh on the eyes. I don't know. I'll probably end up changing it soon again anyway. Who knows.

Yawn.

2011-07-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

God, I am so tired. I went to bed at 3 something last night and Aiden was waking me up constantly from 8 to 9 this morning until I finally just got up to tend to him. 5ish hours of sleep is enough for a lot of people... but definitely not me. Anyway, it looks like I'll be heading to bed quite early tonight seeing as it's not even 10 and my eyes are bloodshot and sore.
Today Ashley and I went to Books & Books, the local used book store, and I picked up a copy of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. It was only $3.75, which I was stoked about because I was expecting it to cost more money than that. I only had a ten with me... and I have been wanting a hard copy of that book for a long time. I mean, I have it on Mackenzie (Kindle), but that's just not the same. I buy hard copies of books I really love or find cheap in a thrift/used book store. It works for me.

ANYWAY.

I also made some chocolate muffins tonight that turned out so-so. I think they could be better, but they were decent enough. I should have taken a picture. Oh, well. They were chocolate and looked cupcakey.
I was trying to get my homework done (due tomorrow and I haven't touched it) while I was waiting for them to cool but it was a failure. They're making me read this horribly long article/speech that Courtney Love gave about record companies being assholes. I don't know. I didn't finish it. Go look at it or something. I'm just warning you, man, it is extremely long.

Bleh, I don't know what else to say. Goodnight, hopefully. I hope to wake up before the sun rises. (*crosses fingers*)

5:12AM Update:
So my plan totally worked. I had a ton of water before bed (an hour or so, this part wasn't on purpose) and I left one of my blankets off so I would wake up during the night--preferably in the four o'clock hour--cold and needing to pee. I woke up at 4:15, went back to sleep, woke up at 4:45, went pee, laid back down for a little bit, and now I am here.
Now that I'm up I'm not really sure what the point of my plan was. Yes, I like being up at this hour. Yes, I do work better at this hour. Does this mean I will work? Probably not. Does this mean I am going to be tired all day? Probably.

You just have to weight the pros and cons, I guess. For the most part I am alright. I need to try and get some work done. It's due in a little more than 12 hours.

(:

2011-07-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't touched any of my photos today, but I was organizing yesterday. See?

Mission: Stay Productive

2011-07-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

Sickness sucks, man. I don't generally get colds, fevers, or the like, but I seemed to have picked up whatever Aiden had a week ago. Robert and I are both sick. Though I feel like shit I am trying to stay as productive as possible... which seems to be working seeing as I finished a TON of homework yesterday and continued with my photo library reconstruction. (I'll explain that later.) But still, it's not without a lot of effort. I have to stop and rest every so often because I get worn down. I imagine this is a lower scale version of what being old is like.

Anyway! Photo Library Reconstruction. For a while now I have had my back completely turned to photography, writing, and basically just the things I love. I've been in a jam. No inspiration, no desire to practice anything. Well several days ago, out of nowhere, I found myself missing photography. (And writing too, though I'm not getting back into that just yet.) I'm not physically well right now so I figured it the perfect time to finally switch my old photos (from the last year or so) from my old computer to my Mac. It's just something I've been putting off.

When I say "reconstruction" I mean reconstruction. I got rid of all the unnecessary files I had bulking my collection up. That includes JPGs (assuming there's RAW files too), photos I don't like, and previously edited photos. Also, I am (or I should say "I have") renaming all of the folders to help make them better organized and easier to identify. I am now onto the import into Lightroom, weed the bad, and rename phase. After I finish all of the organization aspects I hope to edit some old photos.
I'm sure this sounds boring as can be to you, and yes, it can get a little tedious, but I actually quite enjoy it.

On a less "fun" and more "down to business" scale, I really need to finish my math homework and complete this week's quiz. I think I just have a couple more days. It's not like I can't get it done, I just don't feel like doing it. Oh, well.

Have a good day!

Shit, that reminds me I have penpals I need to reply to as well. dskfvbfdkjg

It's A Day Like This and I Feel Like Complete Shit

2011-04-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

"Lisa... go upstairs so I can change."

I don't assume you guys know who that is... but I bet if I were to give you a chance to ask you wouldn't guess it was Aiden. But it was. Which is actually really weird. I replied with:

"*yawn* Eh, okay. *turns but hesitates* *series of unsure grunts and etc* Since when are you afraid to change in front of me?"

At this Ashley chimes in:

"I know, right?... Mr. Naked?"

So maybe it's just an off morning for everyone. Possibly because they know that in just a couple hours Robert and I will be driving 9-10 hours to Las Vegas to see family we haven't seen in 7 years and attend a funeral for our grandmother. I don't know if Ashley is coming (I doubt it at this point), I highly doubted Aiden would come at all, and I really wish I didn't have to go. But, you know, maybe it won't be so bad. After all, Robert will be there with me, right? ...yeah... this is going to be such a long extended weekend.

Basically: This is the road trip I have been wanting to go on for years and because of the destination I would rather just stay home.

Hello, Hello.

2011-04-04T01:21:00.000-07:00

I got a Kindle a week or two ago and I absolutely love it. Don't get me wrong, I still love paper books the most... but when it comes to convenience the Kindle wins. I also have named her. (Yes, it is a girl) Her name is... *drumroll* Mackenzie. Mackenzie Mahkindle.

Anyway, I still have no social life and prefer to focus mainly on school. By the way, I am pretty much awesome. It turns out UPS lost the school books that were sent to me so my program director and my instructor had to ship me more. Basically I wasn't able to start, like, any of my assignments until Thursday or Friday and they were due tonight. Well... most of them at least. Some of them are due tomorrow. But anyway, my instructor extended my assignments a whole week and I managed to get everything turned in at least a day in advance. Pretty awesome. I have new assignments now but I am far too lazy to look into them tonight. Perhaps tomorrow.

Tonight I think I am just going to read. Maybe. I don't know. I don't feel like reading anything I have on my Kindle and I don't know if I want to buy a new book. Possibly... we'll see. I just have no idea what I feel like reading. It's sort of a pain in the ass because I do want to read. Maybe textbooks? Haaaa, no.

Well, Fuck.

2011-03-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

It still baffles me why we (humans in general) are so rotten to the people we love.

I just sat here for 15 minutes trying to collect and type out what I wanted to add to that... but I'll just leave it as is.

School

2011-03-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

So I went onto my school website today and grades were updated. It looks like I have the second highest grade (99.6%) in the class. I missed two questions on the Midterm or else I would have 100% like the person who is currently beating me for first. I would love to have first place but I’m just happy I’m doing well in school again at all. My teacher is impressed with me though… which is a good thing but also a bad thing because now she has expectations. I would continue on with this topic but I think I posted a blog about it already… and if not I was talking to someone about it on something and I just don’t feel like repeating myself.

EDIT: I looked back and it turns out I was repeating myself. Whoops. Sorry.

I have to do some interview thing with a person who has experienced or witnessed a lack of diversity and I think I’m just going to interview Jazmin because, to be completely honest, she is a character. And she gets made fun of a lot for the way she is and because she is in resource and etc etc… so I think she’ll be a good choice.

Speaking of! I want to punch her little friends sometimes. I have only met the two we carpool but fuck… there is something about them that just bothers me. Poor Jazmin… the couple of times I went with mom to pick them up she was sitting alone and they were somewhere away from her talking to each other. I used to be in that situation and I know it fucking sucks. Not to mention one of the girls is rude and uptight as fuck. But I’m not going to sit here and talk shit behind her back… well, anymore. I feel sort of bad for it because I don’t actually know her. I just sort of feel like she thinks she is better than us… which is such a pet peeve of mine.

ANYWAY. I need to pee.

Hm.

2011-03-16T02:25:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Not sure what to say about that. It's not like I had nothing to say because I am always bitching about stuff... but at the same time it could totally be because I have nothing to say. It sort of depends. Most times I am just too lazy to type whatever I am feeling and thinking out. It is what it is.

School is going magnificently. I'm only in my second class right now but I haven't gotten anything below an A so far. And I got an A+ in my previous class. I'm pretty stoked on that. Hopefully I can keep it up when my shit gets harder to do. Now that I have gotten 100% on both the projects we have done in this class the teacher is expecting the same thing for every project from me... which is good and bad. I like that I did well enough for her to start anticipating something good from me... I hate that sometimes I feel like I can't live up to that. But then again, both of the assignments I did I thought I totally failed on.

As for the other parts of my life... what life? I don't have one so it's difficult to talk about. I don't write or take photos anymore and I have no friends. AWESOME! I did upload a few photos to flickr today for the first time in, like, 5 months. I don't really like them too much but they are better than nothing.

Viola!

Hah

2011-02-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me. That annoys the fuck out of me.

Nope, don't feel any better.

Weird Shit

2011-01-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

My birthday was six days ago and I feel like I have been twenty for months. These past couple of weeks have been going by so fucking slow and I have no idea why. During the day they go quick, it seems, but then I look back and realize only a couple days have gone by in what I felt was a week. I don’t know how to explain it, even. It’s just weird.

I guess it could be because I still don’t know for sure what is going on with Full Sail… or maybe because I miss Tony and want to see him… or maybe just because I don’t get out of the house enough. I don’t know. But even when I do go out it still feels the same. The days sometimes feel like they are going quick but then I realize they really aren’t… and I feel like things are going so slow again. And I totally just repeated myself and I don’t even give a fuck.

I’ve been having the weirdest dreams too. Two nights in a row I had dreams that involved oral sex, which I read means I am headed on the right path. That’s good. The other night I had a dream I was a vagina and backed out of fighting in the war, like, the day before I was set to leave. I found out later in the dream that I would have died if I had gone. That was odd considering I have never once thought about going into the military.

Last night I had a dream the town was going through some shit… like, disaster training or something. Maybe it was a real disaster… I really have no idea. But anyway I think we were evacuating for a bit and then set to move back in later. Unlike most of my dreams, my house was actually my real house and Oscar was here. Some guy came over claiming he could take Oscar to get his vaccinations for free if we did it right then. If we chose to wait it would cost money. So my Mom said okay. He stuck something in him and Oscar totally fell asleep or died or something. I have no idea. But then I woke up. Explain that to me.

...

2011-01-10T22:02:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am less than overjoyed. Added with the fact my life is shit right now… I just want to curl up in a ball and rise when the coast is clear… and full of sunshine and daisies. And smiles/happiness. Fat chance.

Stuff with Full Sail is working out pretty well. I just mailed them my enrollment agreement today and requested transcripts be sent to them. I also got to see Lori while I was at the school, which made me feel much better… until I left.

The thing is… lately I have been very upset and mopey. I am not the type of person to be upset over a guy. I usually couldn’t care less about them. My life is my life and being by myself is fantastic. Well… it was. I don’t know.

Things with Tony have been so dsfvbgh lately and I don’t know how to remedy it. We have been so stressed lately and we haven’t seen each other in over a month… it put a real strain on our relationship before we got in a fight and things just… broke. So now Robert and Ashley don’t care for him and things just seem… different between us.

In a way I feel like roles have been reversed. Before I was closed off and he was so… just not. Now all I want is for things to be better again. All the time I feel like I am begging or groveling… just trying to keep shit together because I don't want things to change. And a lot of the time it seems like he doesn’t really care. I know he is so stressed and missing his friends and etc… and I try to tell myself that all the time but I feel unsure he even wants to be with me anymore. I guess that is what bothers me the most. Not being sure anymore. I was positive before but now it’s just… it seems like he could walk away from me unscathed by any of this.

Technically, we aren’t together anymore. Technically. But, like, who knows. I am just so confused by all of this shit.

Like... maybe he is just trying to shut off his feelings or something, because I know he has no hope things can be worked out. I want to make things work. I want things to be good again at some point. And I know it could happen. I mean, it will be hard... but I know it'll happen eventually. He has just lost hope and that is making me lose hope as well. I don't know if I have enough for the both of us. Not when the way he is acting makes me question even trying....

Life could be worse. I’ll just repeat that to myself daily.

Looong Day

2011-01-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

Today has just been ......................................... I am totally going to bullet my day to the best of my ability.

Woke up at 5:30 and stayed in bed till shortly after 7.
My phone decided to break.
By 7:45 it was decided that I was driving with mom to take Jazmin to school.
At 8 something we went to Target to get me a new phone.
Afterward we went to Winco.
Mom and I grabbed some food and ate down by the river.
We stopped at home to get her laptop and pee.
We went to Best Buy to have them order a new computer charger for her.
We came home and I started taking a look at the Full Sail papers.
I fucked around on the computer for a bit before starting the paper work. By this point it was about... noon or so I would say.
I was dealing with school shit until 2:30ish before taking a break and getting started again around an hour later.
At 4 something or 5 I fell asleep on mom's bed for 10/15 minutes.
Mom woke me up and we got started on the paperwork the two of us needed to. Slowly, yes, but we were doing it.
At 7 Tony called me while he waited outside the venue for his show =]
We got off the phone around 8 and I had to do some stupid quiz thing and apply for a loan. THEN I emailed the guy from Full Sail who has been helping me.
At 9 something I fixed some food for myself that ended up not being ready until almost ten.
I ate and then scanned the hand signed shit mom and I had to do.
And now I am here.

Fucking long ass day, man. It's good information to have that I went to bed at 2 in the morning and got up at 5:30 in the morning. 3 1/2 hours of sleep is jhcvbhjdf when you have to do important shit during the day. But, you know, whatever. I want it so in the end it is really not too bad.

In other news, Tony broke up with me yesterday. The day before yesterday we got into a fight. We were... eh, okay by the next morning/afternoon... but I guess Ashley was being not so nice to him and made him feel like my family hated him. If my family hates him we can't actually see each other and that lead to breaking up. Although I am sure there were reasons among those.

But anyway... we have both agreed that an "us" is wanted again when possible. He holds that the loss of a label doesn't really change much and I don't really know what I hold. But I do know I was very upset when he broke up with me and I am super happy things aren't as bad as I thought they were going to be at first.

Robert and Ashley don't know that we are talking though. At least... I don't think they know. To be honest, I know they would probably give me sooo much shit id they did know. I don't really care. It's my life. They don't want me to go to Full Sail either. Eh, I'll do what I want. I love them and I cherish their opinions in most cases... but again, I am going to do what I want to do.

I am so tired but I think I am going to contemplate ringtones for the new telephono and maybe play The Sims 3 a bit. It has been boring me as of late. Whatever.

Wish Tonight Would Die

2011-01-06T02:39:00.000-08:00

Tonight was so horrible. Arguing with Tony for a few hours is no bueno. We almost broke up and now my family is sour on him. I really hope everything can return to normal sometime soon. I would love that so much. But anyway, I am not even going to talk about this.

The other day I emailed my Full Sail guy again and he called me. The email he sent me just never made it to me or something. We don’t really know. (blink-182 just came on the radio, btw) He said they needed a copy of my mom’s taxes (he got them an hour later) and then we could move on with the process. I’m waiting for a reply. It’s only been a day so I’m not trippin’ too hard on it… for now.

But I GUUUUESS that means I am basically in. I’m still nervous I’m not though. I think I just worry too much. AWESOME. I am still trying not to talk about it around Robert and Ashley also… which I guess will need to change eventually. They just don’t approve too much and I don’t know how to talk about it. I feel like the only people who support me in deciding to go to Full Sail are my mom and Tony. Maybe that will change eventually.

EDIT: Robert and Ashley also moved into our house a week or so ago. Robert is back from Merced for good. =D

Just Saying

2010-12-30T03:18:00.000-08:00

I think I’m going to start my period soon.

Too much information, I know. Do I care? Not one bit. I have been telling Tony and mom about how I keep going between salty foods and sweet foods and I am just never full… it’s usually what happens before I start my period. (*cough*alongwithbeinghornyalot*cough*) To be completely honest, I think this is the first month in my period having life I have genuinely realized it is coming. …an odd observation, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, waiting for Full Sail to get back to me is absolutely killing my ability to use my brain for reasons other than worrying. God, it is just KILLING ME. SLAUGHTERING ME. SPOONING MY EYEBALLS OUT AND FEEDING THEM TO ME RIGHT BEFORE I DIE FROM STARVATION. (that was a bit of a melodramatic stretch) Jeeeeeeez, FAFSA needs to hurry up before I explode. Either that or I need to learn some patience. I DO have patience sometimes… but usually only when it isn’t really necessary. Like waiting for something I don’t want to happen. That something can take however the fuck long it wants. However, when I am waiting for something awesome or life changing that patience runs away with my mental health in tow. …bitch.

It is fucking three in the morning and I am getting tired but totally fighting sleep. Why do I fight sleep? Because I am an idiot, I think. Har har. It’s about eleven in the morning in London. That makes it suitable for me to be awake right now. You know, because I totally live in the UK.

Whatever… someone sent me this dumb 2010 survey thing and asked me to do it. Maybe I will tomorrow or, technically, later. I am too lazy right now. A tad too tired. I need to go procrastinate a bit more before deciding I’ll just do the survey now and then totally fail at it because, ohmygodbigsurprise, I am totally falling asleep with my computer on my lap.

Or maybe I will just go to sleep right now. That might be an option to consider as well….

Shit

2010-12-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over… thank lord. I think that might be all I have to say about that.

Today is Jazmin’s 15th birthday and tomorrow she is getting a root canal. Woo! Anyway, I guess tonight (at approximately 5pm) we’re going to Nana’s house to celebrate her birthday and watch Mama Mia! ...? Very random, but whatever it’s her birthday. I’ll just be sure to have my phone charged and possibly my charger with me. HAHAAA, THAT’S MEAN. Dilligaf

She has been a cuntface because of her goddamn tooth and it is pissing mom and me the fuck off. I’m pretty sure we threaten to punch her and kill her when she starts screaming every night. And by “screaming” I mean fucking screaming at the top her lungs like an alien is crawling out of her fucking stomach and she has no anesthesia. Yeah. I’m actually very surprised the cops haven’t been called on us. It sounds like we are beating her. But alas, they are probably so used to hearing her yell. She does it all the time. She can be a tad difficult to live with. Meh, she’s cool sometimes.

In other news: Fred finally had the grades up when I looked yesterday. My overall grade for his class is a C. Now… I was pulling for something higher at the beginning of the semester… but I am SO happy I got a C. I thought I was going to fail so it works out. I must have done well on the final, because it wasn’t class work that gave me that grade and it SURE AS HELL wasn’t from Math Lab. So yeah, I think I did a good job on my final. Fuck yeah. Ha, no.

Also, all week I have been sitting here like “FUCK MY LIFE, MOM I JUST WANT THE FAFSA TO BE PROCESSED SO I WILL KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON GODDAMN IT I AM GOING TO HURT SOMEONE.” Last night I was whining to her about it again and she asked me if I was sure it was submitted. I went and checked. TURNS OUT it didn’t ever go through… probably due to my spotty internet. I was about ready to kill someone. That was a total waste of a week, but I got it taken care of and I swear I am going to combust if I have to wait much longer. Sigh.

By the way, my dream last night was catastrophe after catastrophe. I was finding my way through earthquakes and tornados and shit… all of which took place at my dream’s version of LMC. It was very peculiar. I’m pretty sure Charles was in it too… not during all the natural disasters though.

Stressed

2010-12-20T20:29:00.001-08:00

My moods have been fluctuating like crazy for the past week or so. Sometimes I am super down and just want to sleep. Sometimes I am super happy and jumping around and giggling, etc. Other times I am just whatever and sitting around. Which is usually normal for me… but it has been changing so much lately. I have been snapping very easily. I don’t really understand it.

I mean, there is sort of family shit going on that at first was making me super stressed. And school has been stressing the fuck out of me too. I finally figured out what I am going to do though… so things are a bit better. I have been talking to a person from the school (Full Sail) and right now we are waiting for my FAFSA to go through. He said he’ll get back to me when it does. We’ll see what happens.

Also school related: I am waiting as patiently as I can for Fred to put my math grade up but he is taking SO long. I just want to know if this semester was a waste or not. I missed a lot of school near the end of the semester so I was missing quite a bit of work. I was hoping not to fall back into my school skipping habits, but alas, old habits die hard. In addition to missing work, I got, like, 3/30 math lab hours completed. Math lab counted for 10% of my final grade, so that isn’t looking good at all. Before math lab and the final were added in, I had a high C or a low B. Something like that… but I am still worried. I am pretty confident I did well on the final, but who knows. It counts for 20% of my grade, so I sure as hell hope I did an all right job.

I got really, really upset the other day because it became a possibility that Tony and I won’t be able to talk much for the next couple of months. He spilled soda all over his computer and needs to get it fixed. It’s a Mac so you can imagine that is going to cost a pretty penny. *sigh* Again, we’ll see what happens.

Jazmin and I have been at each other’s throats a lot today. Earlier she was yelling at me about how my diploma is printed… how they work shit and everything. She has no idea so I was fighting back a bit. And then an hour or so ago she was yelling at me and calling me a bitch because I posted a holocaust joke on my Tumblr. I don’t really understand why she cares so much… but I guess she does. I really think she is just being overdramatic. Just my opinion.

And I guess I might be getting a bank account in the very near future. I feel strongly about banks and don’t really trust them… but having a bank account would make life a tad easier. And besides, I need to cash my financial aid check so I can pay the phone bills. Mom said she’s going to call the lady she talked to today about it tomorrow or something. She might have some time on her hands because her and Jazmin have to go to San Jose to visit the dentist giving Jazmin her root canal. Sounds fun. Ha.

Woah, Shitty

2010-12-19T00:13:00.000-08:00

Today has just been one of those days.

I guess Ashley was in the ER… I don’t really know much about this because I hardly talked to her at all today. I was supposed to help her clean her grandma’s house (her grandma has been busy for personal reasons) but that ended up falling through. I don’t know if it’s because Ashley went to the hospital or if she just didn’t do it… or if she did it without me. I have no idea.

Also today: Tony broke his laptop. I guess he spilled a cup of soda on it and it made some horrible sounds that signified death. It’s going to cost a shitload of money to fix so he needs to save everything he has. This means extreme measures… including selling shit and turning off his phone (doesn’t use it too much anyway) and whatnot.

Basically I’m not really sure how much we are going to be able to talk for the next couple of months. I am willing to deal with it if it means things will restore to previous conditions that much sooner. That really isn’t a good thing to say considering there isn’t really a set time for when he has his computer fixed. It just depends.

So how do these two people’s goings on have anything to do with me or have any type of impact on my life?

Ashley: She is sick. This is shitty and I wish she would get better. Also, I was supposed to go to her house today but didn’t. That’s about it.

Tony: He is my boyfriend and we probably aren’t going to be talking very much for the next couple of months. This should be self-explanatory. I’m sorry, but I might be whining about this a lot. We’ll see what happens. Hopefully his schooling doesn’t get too fucked up because of his computer breaking.

ANOTHER Blog

2010-12-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

So, I whined so much about making a new blog that I actually TALKED on and now that I situated one I just have nothing to say…. If I would have made this blog two days ago I would have written 10,000 words about everything going on in my life, but I am in a good mood right now, so I have nothing to bitch about. And look at that! I am already rambling.

The thing is: I was putting off making a new blog because the last one I had started the same way and died because I just didn’t have anything to say… nothing that I felt like writing about, at least. I had plenty I needed/wanted to say… but I wasn’t willing to write it on the internet for people to see. Rather, I didn’t want to write it on the internet for my family to see. I think that was the problem with my old blog. It was cool at first, but then I became aware that people I knew were looking at it, so I put my walls up.

…

I think I am going to avoid that with this blog. I mean, after all, it is MINE. I should be able to say whatever the fuck I want, right? I guess, whatever. I’m done trying to give myself a pep talk. It’s only half way working.